i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
