You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
