Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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