I want to stick my p in your. b.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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