i wish my penis had a tongue
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
