His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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