What a fucking waste of an outfit
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
