she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
