Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
