Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
