i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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