Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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