his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
