I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
