i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
