i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
