I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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