Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
