Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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