I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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