Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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