Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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