Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Can Purell be used as lube?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
