i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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