I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
