he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
