is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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