Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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