i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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