Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He has the fingertips of a God
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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