There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
