grandma shit on top of the toilet
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
