No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
