after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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