My cat gives me a boner
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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