It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
