I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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