Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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