you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
