My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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