:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
