i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
