i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
