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so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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