you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
