He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
