I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
