the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
