My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Damn victory sex feels great
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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