I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
