my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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