on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
