I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
