Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
